Things to Consider before Marriage

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Christ-honoring marriage is the excellent marriage. It is an illustration of Christ’s sweet union with and affection for the church.

Two most important decisions in life:

(1) Whether or not to commit our lives to follow the LORD Jesus Christ. God or Satan. There could be no middle ground. It is either you are with God fighting against Satan or with Satan fighting against God.
(2) Your decision whom to marry. This is next to following Christ. Whom you will marry will affect your holiness and happiness. This is because of the closness of marriage. Your spouse will shake your life more than any other person.
Clarification: Not all are called to marry (Eunuch – Mt 19:12). But the normative expectation from the Scriptures for Christian. Young people should prepare for it. It is a great blessing to find a spouse (Pro 18:22). This refers to godly, healthy and God-exalting marriage.

Being single is better than a lonely, ungodly and unfulfilling marriage. Excellent marriage is a source of unimaginable blessing. It is better to pursue a godly spouse in a Christ honoring way. It is a ministry that is close to the heart of Christ. But nowadays, most ministry geared towards the married life (couples’ fellowship, husband and wife ministry, etc.). But is is more effective for the church to guide and prepare young people to pursue godly spouse.

Martin Luther set his theology of the cross against theology of glory. Theology of the Cross is in light of God’s revelation of Himself. God-centered theology. Marriage serves the glory of God and advances the kingdom of God. Theology of glory is man-centered. Temporal blessings are the end of things. It advances one’s own happiness.

Nehemiah 13:23-27

23In those days also I saw the Jews who had married women of Ashdod, Ammon, and Moab. 24And half of their children spoke the language of Ashdod, and they could not speak the language of Judah, but only the language of each people. 25And I confronted them and cursed them and beat some of them and pulled out their hair. And I made them take oath in the name of God, saying, “You shall not give your daughters to their sons, or take their daughters for your sons or for yourselves. 26Did not Solomon king of Israel sin on account of such women? Among the many nations there was no king like him, and he was beloved by his God, and God made him king over all Israel. Nevertheless, foreign women made even him to sin. 27Shall we then listen to you and do all this great evil and act treacherously against our God by marrying foreign women?”

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They married the wrong person for wrong reason. They married according to the theology of glory.

The Nature of Israel’s disobedience

Their disobedience was by marrying foreign wives thereby breaking God’s covenant. This is a simple command that demands simple obedience. We are told not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. They chose to marry foreign women due to:
A. Lack of faith – they became unfaithful. They did not trust that God will provide godly spouse according to His time and good ways (Ezra 9:2).
B. Lack contentment in God v. 26 – Solomon was blessed and loved by God. He was given all privileges. This is also a warning to married couple. This is marriage idolatry, that is by putting marriage even before God.

The Consequence of Israel’s disobedience

A. No blessing from God v. 23 – Children were unable to speak their language. It has to do with religion. Foreigners are unwilling to assimilate their religion. 

2 Cor 6:14-15

14Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 15What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?

B. Their marriage affected their relationship with God. v. 26b – Solomon sinned against God. He went stray from the LORD (1 Ki 11:1-2). Solomon held fast to these foreign women despite God’s warning. By doing so, his heart was turned away from God toward serving other false gods.

If you marry an unbeliever, it will severely impact your relationship and service to God.

C. Their family ministry was not blessed by God – Ashdod and Hebrew language have no mutual intelligibility. The language of Judah is the language of Scripture. If their children cannot speak and read Hebrew language, they cannot read the Word of God. They are deprived of the message of their covenant LORD. If you marry an unbelieving husband, your children will be deprived of God’s word. If you have an unbelieving husband, seek to teach your children with the Word of God.

If the church stops to train children and young people in order produce godly men and women who understand Scriptures and can teach it to others, it can be traced from the parents’ laziness.

Nehemiah, in the position of authority, implemented punishment as the governer because this was a serious matter in the sight of God.

Sadly, Young people now, even Christians, have the audacity to eye an unbeliever and say, “I’ll make her/him a Christian.” Some called it “discipleChicks” and “evangeLigaw” (ligaw is a tagalog word for courting a woman).

Young people must be trained to be a godly husband/wife even before becoming one. Preparing for excellent marriage should not start only after marriage, but before the knot is tied, and it must continue till the end of their lives.

Advices:

  1. Focus on yourself, walk in holiness, and how to deal with sin before God. Make Jesus the primary source of your contentment. If you are not content before marriage, you will never be. If Christ is not the source of your contentment when you are single, it is highly unlikely that you will be contented in marriage. Your spouse may disappoint you when you get marry. But you can always fallback to Christ as your chief source of joy.
  2. Start praying now for you and your future spouse that God may preserve both of you, to keep you both away from temptations and troubles that can be baggages in your marriage. You may have baggages (potential troubles) when you marry but love covers multitude of sins. Ultimately, seek to be blameless before God. You’ll reap the joy of chastity when you get married.
  3. Seek to understand the difference between male and female. In general, men value achievement. They tend to neglect relational aspect. This is also common in ministry. Women, on the other hand, value relationship. They tend to spend for the happiness of the family. Men find worth in the things that they do, especially in meeting their goals in life. Women find hope in who they are, especially to gain affection and attention. You do not have to compete with one another. Meet somewhere in the middle. It’s worth it to study each other’s value.
  4. Men, be the best husband under the sun. You will be the primary leader someday. Study the Scriptures. Identify your mentor. Serve the church and community. Observe godly parents. You will be called someday to provide for your family. Prepare now to develop realistic producing income plan. Develop a career. It is not a good thing to marry a workaholic, but it is far worst to marry a sluggard.
    • Prepare your physical body as if you are not the owner of it. Avoid fornication, avoid pornography and sex before marriage with anybody. Keep yourself pure before marriage. If you neglect your body, how can you commit it to your wife? Take care of your body for your future spouse. You do not own it (1 Cor 7:4).
  5. Women, be the best wife under the sun. You are called as a helpmate, not a manager (Gen 2:18). Will you be willing to support your husband even if his vision for the family is not the same as yours? Unsupporting wife is a burden to a husband.
    • A mediocre man with an excellent wife can be a better man. But a great man with a bad wife can be less than a man. A godly wife is the unsung hero in the husband’s household.
    • Prepare yourself by seeking to be mentored by a woman who can teach you the ins and outs of marriage. Seek how to make a household according to godliness.
  6. Men and women, learn to be frugal.
    Expensive wife makes expensive husbands. How many countless argument can there be on budgetting? Finances is a huge deal in marriage.
  7. Finally, if you want to marry a christian, go to a place where Christians are.
    • Know the person’s understanding of the Scripture. Is he submissive to the Scripture? How will that person react if you are unable to produce children? Can he glorify God even if you are childless? How does this man talk to his mother? If he disrepects his mother, how can he respect you when you marry him?
    • How does this woman talk to her mother? How does this person talk to your parents? Does this person listen to you? Is this person willing to point out your weakness? Is he an encourager? Can you be yourself in the presence of this man or woman? Can this person hinder you spiritual development? Is this person attracted to your eyes? Do you like him or her personality?

Whether you are called to marry or not. Be content with Christ. Savor His love daily. Delight in Him always. Seek Christ to be the supreme object of your joy and life. Make it your daily pursuit to be like Him.

If you are an unbeliever, you won’t marry for God’s glory but for yourselves. If you want to have a successful marriage, be married to Christ first. You can only be acceptable to God through Christ’s blood and righteousness because you are not righteous and you are under His wrath.

If your desire for marriage is anything less than the glory of God, you need to be saved first. Be married to Christ first before getting married to somebody.

To God be the glory!


This blog post is based on our pastor’s message during Herald of Grace Covenant Bible Fellowship of Davao: A Date to Remember

Jeff Chavez

Jeff Chavez

Jeff Chavez is a servant of the LORD Jesus Christ, husband of Gloryben, and father of Myrhh Abigail. One of the preachers and teachers at Herald of Grace Covenant Bible Church of Cavite. Founder and Admin of TheologyCheck.
Jeff Chavez

Jeff Chavez

Jeff Chavez is a servant of the LORD Jesus Christ, husband of Gloryben, and father of Myrhh Abigail. One of the preachers and teachers at Herald of Grace Covenant Bible Church of Cavite. Founder and Admin of TheologyCheck.

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